CaelansFolly1992

Getting over you is a process. It's been nine months since you ended it four since you started dating him and still the tears fall because every time I think I'm done that I've run out of grief that I can move past the lie you told me you bring up something that you two talked about babies weddings love domesticity and I hurt all over again It's not that I want you back -I could never trust you like that again- it's that I never realised the things that I wanted so badly between you and me and every time you bring him up there's something new for me to grieve And maybe I should stop talking to you because you tore me apart and still it's

A year and a half of absolute joy The most I've ever felt (And that's saying something Because I rarely feel pure childish joy) All turned to dust in three minutes The most painful I've ever experienced First The numbness Then disbelief Then anger (God I feel so used) Then simply sadness and disappointment (I never thought you had it in you) And the acceptance that this Is something that will colour All my relationships to come If I even get past the panic That thinking about another relationship instills in me (What if they're pretending too?) And somehow, under all that I still miss you You were my best friend The love of my life A rock

Eating Eating me away It's inside of me Please goddess Take it away I can't take it anymore Why me Please take it away The sooner the better Don't make me suffer anymore Please

I am not a soldier. At least, not in the traditional sense. I will never fight for my country or for the soldier next to me, but I am fighting a war with myself a war of survival for my own sake and for the sakes of everyone I love. My weapons are not guns or rocket launchers or hand grenades, but anti-depressants a pen and a paintbrush. I will never know the terror of being shelled or shot at, but I know the terror of wondering whether this depressive episode this panic attack this flashback will be the last, of wondering whether I can hold on for just one more day one more hour one more minute one more second. I am not physically fit f